THE BIRTH OF SOULSCAPE
I was the child on the playground that called out the bully. I made daisy chains with my friends on the hillside of my grade school on Vancouver Island, British Columbia, while friends would talk about their worries and ask questions about how to deal with the difficulties with their parents. It was a role that I knew intuitively from a young age. I was here to help shine a light in the darkest places of the lives around me. Not because I was better in any way, but because it was my gift to be able to see the good in someone when they were most hopeless. I wanted to help and I knew that I had enough love to save the world.
Or so I thought!
In time I came to understand that I was more than a healer who could fix any problem. I was a deeply wounded child who was offering the love and support that I so desperately wanted for myself and everyone around me. I was the classic wounded healer from the time that I was just a little girl. But I had a strong spirit and a “know-it-all” attitude that helped me do a lot of good in the world. If a teacher was unkind, I could see it and even call it out. I saw through the layers of complexity and was not afraid to own what I knew.
But it was exhausting. Being a natural born leader felt like the universe had placed a tall order from me that I could never fulfill. Trying to heal everyone around me and to fix the things that are amis was a day and night job - and I lost many nights of sleep caring too much about things that I couldn’t and sometimes even shouldn’t try to change.
The one thing that was amis that I was all too ready to bypass was the issue of my own ego. I needed to be needed. I needed to matter and be held up as valuable and important. By many. Not just because it fulfilled my longing to be loved but because it was in my bones. It was such a fundamental part of me to lead that I felt out of place not being the leader.
Now these things alone are not problematic insofar as they promote pro-social behaviour and tend to offer certain helpful socio-economic benefits (the kid who gets the grade and acts as the good samaritan also goes on to get the award and the family/ community recognition and thus be successful in business). There is a certain amount of owning who you are as a leader that helped me. However, everything good in life also has a shadow and the shadow of leadership found me and found me hard.
At the peak of my anxiety as a university student who had just lost her mother earlier that year, I would sometimes fantasize about how to get out of writing an exam - “I could break my writing hand”, “ I could just not go and take the class again next term”. I had learned to channel my sense of responsibility and desire to help into getting it perfect and pleasing and even healing others with my own accomplishments. It was a losing battle and a race that you can’t win. This kind of pressure is simply a bar that keeps on moving out of reach.
THE BIRTH OF A CLINIC.
With the help of time and hard-earned maturity I learned to listen more carefully to my body and recognize that the pressure that I was putting on myself to try to take care of everyone and do everything right was anything but loving.
I eventually reformed my thinking around being a student and then later as I hit up against the demands of being a working professional again and again. I decided to take some control back in my life. I realized that the 9-5 grind wasn’t working for my sensitive nature and that I needed to rest more deeply and play harder than most to offset the intense effort that that my empathic nature demanded of me.
I longed to make a bigger impact and to do it in a way that brought me joy. I wanted to live the life that I deserved and the one that I told my client’s they deserved to live. So, naturally, I led the way!
I started my psychotherapy practice straight out of a job at a university. I was tired and worn thin from the red tape and politics and straight up frustrating things that I watched happen that I couldn’t single-handedly fix. At times I had worked with no window in my office and I felt about as disconnected from my spirit as I was from nature behind those closed doors. Except for my clients - a certain magic happened in sessions with my clients and a calling rose within me to do this work on my terms!
I rented a downtown office with not only one window, but two! My plants flourished and became regular friends to some of my clients. I filled my practice with dream clients who I felt a natural resonance with. I immediately had such gratitude for the work that I did that it filled the space around me and drew in client’s that were ready for change and needed exactly what I was offering.
I consumed as much healing information and growth oriented experiences as I could stomach. Coaching, therapy and many spiritual practices including breathwork and reiki helped me deepen my self awareness and foster resilience for the heavier parts of the work as a therapist.
I started to schedule my work and my life in tune with one another and created a beautiful flow that I learned to predict and trust beautifully. It is from this trust that I knew when it was time to expand my offerings to other clinicians and helping professionals who are looking to build a life and business that works for them rather than the other way around.
EXPANDING AND REFINING
My intuition deepened and so too did my ability to grow and extend my services. I hired the best people, and fostered working relationships with my administrators and therapists that bring me feelings of comfort and safety. It brings a smile to my face to even think about. I have drawn in and welcomed some of the most wonderful people by being the kind of leader that I always desired to have for myself. The universe continues to meet me half way when I take steps toward what I am called to create next.
I now offer clinical supervision, coaching and consulting, to extend my services to those starting in the field of psychotherapy. It is my way of giving back and reaching more clients by extension.
My experiences as a supervisor and coach have been overwhelmingly positive and I have been blessed with extremely competent and wise student and mentee therapists.
Don’t get me wrong. Nothing is perfect. This has had its challenges and I’ve stopped short of a goal a few times. That is all a part of creating something that is as living and organic as a serviced-based business. Everything changes and there is a need to adapt and change with the spirit of the times.
During these times, there is a need for the healing of our planet to be lead by heart-centered and self-aware professionals. I am here to initiate whatever transformation you are ready to unveil in yourself, by holding space, asking questions and nudging you toward what you are ready to reveal.